thanks

summer love....
i am always more lovey in the summer
i love the smells of summer
the tightness of skin after a day at the pool, the flushed cheeks, the way you just want to strip down and be closer
the sun highlights my hair naturally, always has. the tan makes my green eyes brighter.
my michael makes me smile. makes me margaritas. makes me laugh. makes me....me.
his appearance in my life again is bringing me back to center.

taking me out of this funk that has held onto my soul since the summer was ruined by mr. mac two years ago. i took so much on my heart. it manifested in my kidneys. it manifested in several broken bones to come. the life we had was just going on in no semblance of order, we were faking it to make it. but we did not make it.

we did not make it.
today i can totally accept that.
today i can stomach it.
today i can deal with it.
today i can breathe and say that with a smile and without regret.

i would not trade a moment of the hurt for the lessons learned.
i learned to fight all that i believed and held true. i questioned it. i did not stay because my society and my quaint little mid-western life told me i should. i did not stay because mr. mac was a liar and a cheater. i did not stay because he willingly allowed heidi ihde to manipulate and hurt our family. this has all been proven in a simple journal entry written by my daughter. it made me cry. she asked what did she ever do to heidi and mr. mac to deserve this as her life now? couldn't they have just told the truth and let her have her nice life she used to have and stop taking it all away. it made me sad for her. because i knew it had to hurt.

so not a moment traded for the lessons learned.
i protect these children.
i protect my love.
i trust no female.
i love still.
i will have my summer and never have another ruined. i love summer. i love life. i love my kids. i love my brudders. i love my mommy. i love my michael. i love white sheets. i love hotel beds that stay sturdy. i love date night. i love sand in my toes. i love my kells. i love our festivals. i love margaritas. i love cookouts and passing out in his golf shirt.
they can shake me. they can try to hurt me. but they gave me my loves again.

thanks.